Looking Forward to Thanksgiving!

I know I have said it many times but I am amazed at everything that has transpired in the last year. No doubt this Thanksgiving has a new blessing added to my long list. I am visiting Mom on a regular basis and continue to pray through the process of building our relationship. She is staying very busy in her new job and learning to adjust to life in general population.

God has provided opportunities in the last couple of months for me to speak and share my testimony of His healing. Last weekend I was invited to speak to a youth group here in Franklin. This group has been working through the book Chase the Lion by Mark Batterson. I was introduced to these young people as a real life lion chaser. Really? Me?

As I studied through their book I quickly began to relate to the theme. "Lion-chasers don't try to avoid situations where the odds are against them. Lion-chasers know that impossible odds set the stage for amazing miracles."

"The world is full of cautious and prudent people who will live fine, long lives. But chances are if you spend your life in an attempt to elimate risk, uncertainty, and fear you will miss out on some of the most amazing experiences a person can have with Jesus."

"Part of us wants God to reduce obstacles. We like situations where the odds are in our favor. But sometimes God allows the odds to be stacked against us so He can reveal more of His glory through it."

Thank you God for teaching me and leading me through the biggest lion chase of my life this past year!

Gaile Owens, my mother, will continue to live her life for Christ

Around 10:15 Wednesday morning I received a phone call relaying a message that Governor Bredesen had reached a decision and would be releasing a statement at
10:30. Approximately 10-15 minutes later I received a second phone call that opened my eyes to a future that only seconds before seemed so far out of reach. Governor Bredesen commuted my mother's sentence. Governor Bredesen gave my mother a second chance at life. Governor Bredesen was part of a much bigger plan Wednesday morning. A plan that I have admittedly struggled to follow for so long. I struggled but I continued to turn to my Father in heaven. I continued to cry out for help. I continued to trust in His unfailing love.

Exactly one year ago I started writing of my journey to visit mom. I wrote about mailing the letter, setting a day to visit, seeing and speaking to her for the first time in over 20 years. I took those steps and thought it was over. Then God put more steps in front of me. He continued to speak to my heart and carry me through. Our relationship slowly began to heal and God kept showing up. And now? Now my mother will continue to live her life for Him! She will continue to serve Him!

I rejoice with all of you who have prayed and offered your unwavering support for my mother. Thank you to all of the volunteers and friends who have walked with her for so many years and continue to be there for her daily as she makes this transition. Thank you to the thousands of supporters who signed the petition in the fight for her life. Thank you to the handful of people, and you know who you are, that answered my questions day and night. You answered every phone call. You showed up for every meeting. You gave so freely of your time to visit mom and sacrificed so much. You made the choice to get involved. You made the choice to become a part of our lives.

So what's next? Considering what God has done in the past 12 months, I'm not about to try and guess what His plan is for the next 12 months. I know that I trust Him to guide and direct my path. I know He will not ever leave me or forsake me. I know there will be times of struggle and times of joy. I know the road ahead will be difficult. "If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31

"Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

I will take this next step. I trust and believe in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Philippians 4:6

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

Please fall to your knees and pray. Blessed be His name. Speak it. Believe it. Be faithful.

Pray for my mother, Gaile Owens

We may be entering a pivotal week in Mom's case with the Supreme Court. We are nearing the end of the time frame and it is very possible a ruling could be issued very soon. Please pray. I know I am constantly soliciting prayers. I believe in the power of prayer. I believe in speaking to God throughout my entire day and asking for the desires of my heart. I believe in asking God to lead me through His plan for my life and believing that His will be done.

Please pray for whatever is on your heart for Mom this week. If you don't know what to pray for, pray for continued peace and comfort. Pray for strength. Pray for the men and women serving on the Tennessee Supreme Court. Pray for Governor Bredesen. Pray for my mother's attorneys. Pray for all of the men and women who have become such dear friends with my mother. Please, please continue to pray for my family.

Pray for those people in your life who have not opened their hearts to the love of Jesus Christ. Pray for the unbelievers. Pray for those who not know of the healing power of our Lord. It is real. He is real.

Full of Hope in My Father in Heaven

Where does that sudden wave of increased hope and strength come from? Why now? It's that feeling when everything suddenly looks slightly different. I smile more. I laugh more. Distractions come but I easily push them aside. It isn't that I question where that peace originates. I know.

Philippians 4:7 "The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Just when I begin to question exactly where I am in this journey, God quietly lays the next step under my feet. I should probably not be so surprised. But I am. I am continuously amazed by the work of God in my life and the lives of those around me. I have also learned that just because God closes a door, it doesn't always mean the door is locked and the key is thrown away. "No" does not always mean "No, not ever." It sometimes means "no, not right now." I can literally see and feel God working on me, changing my heart and mind, and leading me to a real place of confidence and trust in His plan for my life.

Please continue to pray for my mother, Gaile Owens. Please continue to pray for my family. Please continue to pray for healing.

Grateful For The Present Time

The decrease in visitors today was obvious as we arrived a little bit later than normal and walked through security after waiting only a couple of minutes. I assume the rainy weather deters visitors. After the long walk up to Unit 3 in the rain blowing straight into our faces we walked in completely soaked and dripping wet. Umbrellas not allowed.

We had a nice visit of course despite the miserable weather. Regular phone calls and visits will be a part our life for the next couple of months. What's next? I have no idea. The anticipated ruling from the Supreme Court could change everything. The ruling from Governor Bredesen could change everything.

As the waiting continues, I am grateful for the present time.

Letting Go and Living By Faith

How did I not recognize the bondage with a grip so tight on my life? Maybe because I didn't want to recognize it. Maybe because I chose to keep my eyes shut. For so many years I felt responsible for people and situations which ultimately were impossible for me to control. I felt a pressure to hold everything and everyone together. I don't know that it was a pressure from any specific outside source or a pressure I put on myself. Regardless of the source, it was real and it was a heavy weight that I chose to carry for a long time. I have this picture in my head of God walking patiently beside me with his arms outstretched just waiting for me to surrender that heavy load over to Him.

When I submitted to God's will and made the decision to visit Mom I realized the necessity to relinquish the burden. Not only had I been denying God's will for my life, but I also had been denying God's will for other people's lives. The lives I felt accountable for and obligated to keep secure. I know now that my responsibility is to allow God to use me and to be willing to submit my life for His will. God provides the peace and security. God sets the timetable for all events.

Acts 1:7 "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority." I am trusting in God's timing for my life and the lives of others. I don't always understand His timing but I trust His timing. I will take another step and continue to live by faith.

One Step Forward

We had another good visit with Mom today but there never seems to be enough time. We talk non-stop and the converstation flows from every topic imaginable. We have some tears but there is a lot of laughter too. I find myself looking forward to these visits with much anticipation and always sad to leave when the time is up. That is reality smacking me in the face. My reality is that I have a life outside those prison walls. I wish I could be there to visit every day when the doors open. How do you catch up on twenty-five years with your mother? My reality right now is walking around every day knowing my phone will ring at any moment with news of the Supreme Court ruling. It has been 4 weeks now and I have no idea how much longer we will be waiting.

When I think back over the last several months and even read through many notes from the blog, I remember just how naive I was about this "journey." I honestly thought going in to my visit in August was the end. The door would be closed and my healing would be complete. I can almost hear God laughing out loud right now.

Here is a statement I heard from our pastor today. "Forgiveness is the first step in the process of transformation that brings you reconciliation." I know this to be true now but I did not know it several months ago. I knew immediately after leaving my visit with Mom in August that when I stepped out of those prison doors I was only just beginning. I was no where near the end.

I am overloaded with questions for God. I have had to look at myself in the mirror and confront questions about my faith that I never thought I would be asking myself. But I call His name and He keeps showing up. When I cry out He hears me. He comforts me. He brings peace.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven." Eccelesiastes 2:25

How can this verse not be in my heart and mind? The events of the last several months are a display of God's perfect timing in the midst of ongoing change. I am experiencing incredible growth and change in every area of my life and I have no doubt the changes are a direct result of drawing closer to God.

A large part of my life is full of uncertainty right now but God is my strong constant. I don't think I have ever welcomed so much change with arms wide open. This time in my life will always serve as a reminder to avoid the ease of complacency. Now my eyes are wide open.

As I am beginning to recognize how the complicated layers of my past have led me to this time of reconcilication, God is also revealing the layers of change that have occurred in my mother's life. I firmly believe "there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven." I will quote the application notes in my bible. "God has a plan for all people. Although we may face many problems that seem to contradict God's plan, these should not be barriers to believing in him, but rather opportunities to discover that, without God, life's problems have no lasting solutions. Timing is important. The secret to peace with God is to discover, accept, and appreciate God's perfect timing."

Gaile Owens

I desperately want to fight for my mother's life. Our relationship is alive and I can only plea to others not to take this away from me now.

I am uncertain of the path that God is leading me on but I can tell you that He is showing up every day and I can see and feel His presence in the people and events unfolding around me. I know the only way I ever would have believed that my mother had changed and reformed her life was to see the evidence face to face. God has revealed this proof and continues to reveal His work to me every time I see her. It is so difficult for me to describe in words. It is real. It is powerful. It is amazing. It is love. It is peace. It is undeniable.

Pray for my mother Gaile Owens

When I stopped writing in September I was not sure I would ever come back to it. I was not planning on ending so abruptly. Only weeks after my visit with Mom, we received a letter stating that the State of Tennessee was preparing to file a request for an execution date to be set. She had reached the end of her appeals process and the State's request was the next step. The State filed in December and her attorneys filed a response earlier this month. She is currently waiting for a response from the Tennessee Supreme Court. If the Supreme Court denies the request to commute her sentence, the decision will be made by Governor Bredesen. That is the very basic explanation of the process.

When we received the letter back in September, it was time for me to make some decisions. Big decisions. Do I continue to walk the journey out loud or do I retreat and seek refuge in my privacy? It is much easier to keep all of this very private and I still feel a certain degree of privacy is vital. But I kept wondering if I was hindering God's plan all in the name of privacy. Was I being disobedient? I felt challenged. It felt like a test of faith. I felt the powerful healing hand of God by forgiving my mother. Now my mother is facing the real possiblity of being executed. Did God really expect me to continue to live out loud and share this with others? Is that really a fair expectation after everything that has happened in my life? But then that other question comes to mind. What if? What if my life story leads just one person to accepting Christ?

And then there is this question. How do I profess my faith in God and speak of His amazing grace and love and do nothing for my mother? Because she committed a horrific crime that resulted in the death of my father? Yes that seems like a solid justification not to help her. No one would ever blame me for refusing to advocate for her. In my mind, it is one thing to offer forgiveness but it is completely different to actively fight for her. So why was I feeling so conflicted? I am not one to act on emotions with an unclear mind. I have struggled. I have prayed. The consequences of my actions could be life-changing. Not everyone will understand my decision. Maybe no one will understand. Others might be angry with me. I could risk losing relationships with family and friends. The struggles continue. I have prayed so hard about this decision. This is life or death.

I have chosen to fight for life and I will leave the consequences to God. I feel in my heart that if I do nothing at all then I am making the statement that I want my mother to die. Lack of action is really an action in itself. It is an action to watch her die. In my life right now, in this situation, lack of action is a lack of faith and trust in God. I do not want my mother to die. My visit with her in August changed my life. I will write more about the details later but again I am asking you to continue to pray.

Pray for my mother, Gaile Owens. Pray for my family. Pray for those responsible for making the decisions. Pray for truth. Pray for justice. Pray for healing.