Pray for my mother, Gaile Owens

We may be entering a pivotal week in Mom's case with the Supreme Court. We are nearing the end of the time frame and it is very possible a ruling could be issued very soon. Please pray. I know I am constantly soliciting prayers. I believe in the power of prayer. I believe in speaking to God throughout my entire day and asking for the desires of my heart. I believe in asking God to lead me through His plan for my life and believing that His will be done.

Please pray for whatever is on your heart for Mom this week. If you don't know what to pray for, pray for continued peace and comfort. Pray for strength. Pray for the men and women serving on the Tennessee Supreme Court. Pray for Governor Bredesen. Pray for my mother's attorneys. Pray for all of the men and women who have become such dear friends with my mother. Please, please continue to pray for my family.

Pray for those people in your life who have not opened their hearts to the love of Jesus Christ. Pray for the unbelievers. Pray for those who not know of the healing power of our Lord. It is real. He is real.

Full of Hope in My Father in Heaven

Where does that sudden wave of increased hope and strength come from? Why now? It's that feeling when everything suddenly looks slightly different. I smile more. I laugh more. Distractions come but I easily push them aside. It isn't that I question where that peace originates. I know.

Philippians 4:7 "The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Just when I begin to question exactly where I am in this journey, God quietly lays the next step under my feet. I should probably not be so surprised. But I am. I am continuously amazed by the work of God in my life and the lives of those around me. I have also learned that just because God closes a door, it doesn't always mean the door is locked and the key is thrown away. "No" does not always mean "No, not ever." It sometimes means "no, not right now." I can literally see and feel God working on me, changing my heart and mind, and leading me to a real place of confidence and trust in His plan for my life.

Please continue to pray for my mother, Gaile Owens. Please continue to pray for my family. Please continue to pray for healing.

Grateful For The Present Time

The decrease in visitors today was obvious as we arrived a little bit later than normal and walked through security after waiting only a couple of minutes. I assume the rainy weather deters visitors. After the long walk up to Unit 3 in the rain blowing straight into our faces we walked in completely soaked and dripping wet. Umbrellas not allowed.

We had a nice visit of course despite the miserable weather. Regular phone calls and visits will be a part our life for the next couple of months. What's next? I have no idea. The anticipated ruling from the Supreme Court could change everything. The ruling from Governor Bredesen could change everything.

As the waiting continues, I am grateful for the present time.

Letting Go and Living By Faith

How did I not recognize the bondage with a grip so tight on my life? Maybe because I didn't want to recognize it. Maybe because I chose to keep my eyes shut. For so many years I felt responsible for people and situations which ultimately were impossible for me to control. I felt a pressure to hold everything and everyone together. I don't know that it was a pressure from any specific outside source or a pressure I put on myself. Regardless of the source, it was real and it was a heavy weight that I chose to carry for a long time. I have this picture in my head of God walking patiently beside me with his arms outstretched just waiting for me to surrender that heavy load over to Him.

When I submitted to God's will and made the decision to visit Mom I realized the necessity to relinquish the burden. Not only had I been denying God's will for my life, but I also had been denying God's will for other people's lives. The lives I felt accountable for and obligated to keep secure. I know now that my responsibility is to allow God to use me and to be willing to submit my life for His will. God provides the peace and security. God sets the timetable for all events.

Acts 1:7 "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority." I am trusting in God's timing for my life and the lives of others. I don't always understand His timing but I trust His timing. I will take another step and continue to live by faith.

One Step Forward

We had another good visit with Mom today but there never seems to be enough time. We talk non-stop and the converstation flows from every topic imaginable. We have some tears but there is a lot of laughter too. I find myself looking forward to these visits with much anticipation and always sad to leave when the time is up. That is reality smacking me in the face. My reality is that I have a life outside those prison walls. I wish I could be there to visit every day when the doors open. How do you catch up on twenty-five years with your mother? My reality right now is walking around every day knowing my phone will ring at any moment with news of the Supreme Court ruling. It has been 4 weeks now and I have no idea how much longer we will be waiting.

When I think back over the last several months and even read through many notes from the blog, I remember just how naive I was about this "journey." I honestly thought going in to my visit in August was the end. The door would be closed and my healing would be complete. I can almost hear God laughing out loud right now.

Here is a statement I heard from our pastor today. "Forgiveness is the first step in the process of transformation that brings you reconciliation." I know this to be true now but I did not know it several months ago. I knew immediately after leaving my visit with Mom in August that when I stepped out of those prison doors I was only just beginning. I was no where near the end.

I am overloaded with questions for God. I have had to look at myself in the mirror and confront questions about my faith that I never thought I would be asking myself. But I call His name and He keeps showing up. When I cry out He hears me. He comforts me. He brings peace.