He Will Deliver

We have just returned from a long trip to Arkansas and I was able to visit with my grandfather for a couple of hours on Saturday. He did recognize me and of course he was completely shocked to see me. Based on our conversation and the stories he told, I have no doubt that he knew exactly who I was and it was such a blessing to see him again after so many years. Let me back up a couple of days. On Friday, the mail was delivered just as we were leaving for the trip to Arkansas. The letter from mom arrived and the date is officially set for August 23rd. There are some logistics to work out with the time but everything else is in place. The letter included a copy of the approved visit request from the prison. The form has a line to be completed that states "justification for visit." My mother had written, "first visit with son." Those words looked huge to me. I felt relief and I felt very overwhelmed at the same time. I know I can back out of this at any time and that is certainly not my intention so this brought a sense of finality to the process too. I am going forward with this and I feel God's presence with me every step of the way. Those feelings of anxiety prompt me to stop and pray. I have to. Those feelings can overtake me very quickly. But God brings peace. He brings comfort. He reminds me that He is in control. Like I stated before, I don't have a lot of clarity about the future. If I am trusting in God and walking in faith then all I really know is that He will provide. My prayers will continue to be that God's will be done. I pray for His will in the weeks leading up to August 23rd, for this visit with my mother on that Sunday afternoon, and for the weeks, months, and years following August 23rd. Right now, I don't know if this will be a one-time visit or if I will continue to schedule visits in the future. I have no expectations but I do know that I need to look at her and tell her that I forgive her. Yes, the forgiveness exists regardless if I say it to her face. But I can not explain the need I have to tell her. Maybe I feel it will bring closure. I understand it could create or recreate past feelings of anger and pain. But I do trust God with all my heart. I know it may not make sense. I know it is completely understandable to never want to see her again. But I feel deep within me that this truly is where God is leading me.

Tags: Gaile Owens