Now that I look back on the last several years I can see that a large part of my healing was related to my feelings of betraying my father. Once I was able to move past the anger, I struggled to reconcile the idea of forgiving my mother without feeling like I was turning my back on my father. It seemed impossible to me. I thought if I forgive my mother then I am telling her "it's okay." That's just not true. It's not okay. So God continued working on me. When I was out running last year I heard the song "Redeemer." It stopped me in my tracks. At that exact moment I knew Jesus had completely healed me and He was telling me "it's okay. You can forgive your mother and still honor your father." It was as if my Heavenly Father and my earthly father were both speaking to me. Just because I choose to forgive does not mean that I no longer miss my father. It doesn't mean I love him any less. It doesn't mean I don't think of him every single day. I forgive because I believe I will see my dad again in Heaven. I forgive because I believe in Heaven. I forgive because I believe in Jesus Christ.
Tags: Gaile Owens
"Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4
I think it is wonderful that you have forgiven your mother while continuing to fondly remember your father. However, you seem to not be dealing with the fact that your father was a spouse abuser and commited adultery. He did not deserve to be killed but he was far from a good Christian man. Yet you don't touch on your blog about having to forgive him. He was also a sinner.
ReplyDelete